Melissa Haneline
The Post and Courier

Robert Wear of Knoxville, Tenn., a centurion, commands soldiers Saturday during a drill demonstration at Castra Romana VII at Givhans Ferry State Park in Ridgeville.

It was supposed to be a history lesson.

By joining a group of Roman Army re-enactors, I should have been learning all about how people ate, fought and lived back in 40 A.D. Instead, all I could think about was if my butt was showing.

That's because as soon as I arrived at Givhans Ferry State Park early Saturday morning, I was given the standard issue Roman army garb: A red tunic — and nothing else.

I argued in favor of keeping the cargo shorts, but lost to the guy with a really big sword.

The only thing between my own personal Roman empire and the rest of the free world was a thin layer of wool and a pair of Spider-Man tighty-whities. But on the bright side, at least the tunic was really short.

Not to get too far off topic here (too late), but ladies, how do you do it? I mean, how do you wear something that barely covers the upper part of your leg, then go out in public — where there are strong gusts of wind and lots of short people — and keep all your business, well, your business? Let me just say this: I have a newfound respect for you.

But I'm getting away from my point and that is, "I wish I had thought to shave my legs." WAIT, NO! My point is, why do seemingly normal people enjoy dressing up like a bunch of Roman soldiers?

I have two theories on this:

1. They like meeting new people while learning about Roman history.

2. It's cheaper than drugs.

In fairness, what they do is actually pretty cool. As a part of Castra Romana VII, a yearly event that seeks to re-create the life and times of Imperial Roman soldiers, participants get to show off tons of authentic Roman garb and gear to the general public. It truly is like stepping back in time. You know, until you see one of the soldiers standing by his Honda Accord smoking a cigarette. But other than that, it's dead on.

More than 50 men and women from all over the country gathered at Givhans Ferry State Park this weekend to recreate their very own small-scale version of Rome. People like Martin Kealy from Atlanta, who works for Ford Motor Co. but enjoys doing stuff like this because it's a diversion from the fact that he works for Ford Motor Co.. Or Saul Cardona, a 22-year-old former Army solider who traveled all the way down here from Washington, D.C., just to whip my (nearly naked) rear end in the gladiator pit.

They're just regular people who happen to take their Roman history really seriously. The men wear elaborate armor, animal skins and ornate helmets — all true to the period. And the ladies sport long flowing dresses, which just for the record, show considerably less leg than the men's outfits. The tents are crafted carefully. And all the weapons are made exactly like they were in the first century.

There truly is something for everybody at Castra Romana. I'd love to tell you more, but I don't really remember much else.

Sorry. I would have taken notes, but they didn't have pens back then.

Bryce Donovan is a features columnist for The Post and Courier. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.