Go green by eating squirrels, flushing Granny down drain
Here we go again. Some of the more radical environmentalists are suggesting a new movement aimed at cleaning up the Earth. Extreme environmentalists continue to make a mockery of the well-intentioned efforts of serious folks who want to save the planet, if, indeed, it needs saving.
It's a shame because the kooks are making a joke out of an otherwise noble effort with their foolish shenanigans. It hampers the good intentions of reasonable arguments by responsible environmentalists.
The latest ploy of blaming just about everything and everybody for global warming is a bizarre idea of exactly who is polluting the Earth. In the past, the fringe has blamed their perceived destruction of Mother Earth on just about everything, including flatulent cows, automobiles, asparagus, big oil companies, Satan and George Bush. Now, they have a new villain.
You're not going to believe this, but the latest target for environmental cleanup indicts dead people. You heard me. These loons are saying that burying dead folks takes up too much space in the ground and contributes to groundwater contamination. Cremation, in their view, pollutes the air.
So what's their solution? Dissolve bodies in lye and other chemicals! Then flush the liquid remains down the toilet. Can you believe this?
Yep. Some folks of this genre, who sometimes travel around on jet planes and live in mega-homes and who cop out by claiming they are "buying" carbon transfers, which means they are paying someone else not to pollute in order that they, themselves, might. Can you say "Al Gore"?
Since the beginning of civilization, mankind has either burned or buried its dead, but The Associated Press reports a new option is generating interest: "dissolving bodies in lye and flushing the brownish, syrupy residue down the drain." Yuck! Is this the end you want your loved ones to face?
A trade magazine for the funeral industry said in a recent release, "It's not often that a truly game-changing technology comes along in the funeral service but we might have gotten a hold of one." The acid suppliers, I presume, are eating it up. No pun intended.
Here's how the process works: The body of a loved one is placed in a sort of pressure cooker (like a pork roast), add chemicals and heat to 300 degrees. Yep. Just like a pork roast.
Psychopaths sometimes use lye or acid in disposing of bodies. Now, a few idiots want civilized society to copy this depraved practice.
Too much! This new method of sending loved ones into the hereafter might take some convincing of the public, according to the AP. I would say they have hit the nail directly on the head. Can't you just see Junior and Sister agreeing to such disposal of their dear mother's remains?
A fellow newspaper editor once remarked to me that if we really wanted to reduce the space used by bodies in cemeteries, we should plant folks vertically. By placing corpses in the ground in a standing position, cemeteries could bury four times as many bodies in the same amount of space. I thought his suggestion outrageous, but it's not nearly as horrific as dissolving bodies by acid.
This, too, shall pass, and the hall monitors of our protective society will come up with something even more bizarre. Stay tuned.
Eat more squirrel
The latest "ethical" food in England is squirrel. That's right, those fuzzy-tailed little rodents that scurry about your yard. Of course, Southerners have always eaten squirrels. It was a part of our food pyramid, and we didn't give it up until we could afford hamburger.
Rural Southern families always have depended on the family sharpshooter to furnish a little alternative meat for the family table: squirrels, rabbits, possums, quail and other wild game. When the South finally caught up financially with the rest of the nation, we turned to beef, lamb, etc. If wild game is involved in Southern meals today, it is likely duck or deer meat. But there are those who still enjoy an occasional squirrel or rabbit, and certainly quail is always a treat.
On my visits to the backcountry of England, I have observed rabbit hutches in most backyards, but it seems that squirrel meat has caught the English fancy, and the rodent meat is in much demand, according to recent articles in British newspapers.
One newspaper account reports that squirrels are "low in fat, low in food miles and completely free range." In other words, "environmentally friendly." Some Brits claim that, "The grey squirrel is about as ethical a dish as it is possible to serve." Hunters provide the meat to butcher shops, and the shop owners say they can't get enough to satiate the hunger for the meat. British women even exchange squirrel recipes.
They claim it tastes like a cross between lamb and duck. I think it just tastes like squirrel.
When I was in the Army at Fort Jackson near Columbia, I would go home on the weekend and hunt, usually squirrels. My mom would cook one on Sunday afternoon before I headed back to the base. The next morning while my fellow warriors went to the mess hall for breakfast, I remained behind in our tent to enjoy a squirrel breakfast, to the complete dismay of my Northern compatriots. Could be that they were incredulous at my assertion that the animal was a Southern River RAT?
They never asked me to share.
John Brock is a retired professor, newspaper publisher and film producer who lives in Georgetown County. He can be reached by mail at this newspaper or via e-mail at brock@johnbrock.com.
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