The business of the business

Every day you flush your toilet and then don't give it a second thought.

But that "naughty business" you just did, it has to go somewhere, you dirty little lumberjack, you. And do you know where that place is? Do you?

If you said "Poop Heaven," congratulations, you are an idiot. You're also in good company, because that's what I used to think, too.

But after spending half a day at Charleston Water System's Plum Island Wastewater Treatment Plant earlier this week, I can now honestly tell you the answer is, "BLLUUAAAAHHH!"

Sorry about that. It's just that the smell is really strong and it nearly made me chuck.

Imagine the stench of 10,000 toilets backing up at the same time while kissing a chain smoker next to a gigantic tire fire started by Mister Hanky. And then multiply by 50.

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It Beats Working at Plum Island

Bryce Donovan had a chance to sample the sights, sounds and smells on a tour of a very necessary facility, Charleston Water System's Plum Island Wastewater Treatment Plant, which processes sewage for Charleston.

It's that bad.

But the flip side of that stank coin is that the incredibly tolerant (and possibly olfactory-challenged) people who work there are taking one for the team to make all our naughtiness safe for the environment. In fact, it only takes them 12 hours to make wastewater drinkable. OK, so I wouldn't drink it, but plant engineer Jake Earle would.

"No I wouldn't," he said.

OK, so he wouldn't drink it either. But the point is it wouldn't kill you if you did drink it. Probably.

The truth is, though it might taste awful, Earle said it's no different than drinking a glass of local river water.

Now before I go any further, let's backtrack a little bit and explain how they clean the water. By using a complicated process known as "You should probably ask Earle," they make the water eco-friendly. OK, so the truth is I have no clue. Though Earle spent the better part of two hours explaining the entire process to me, I was too busy trying not to throw up to really comprehend it.

But one thing I did learn over the course of my time with Earle was that you and I are lucky to have somebody like him working there. That's because he's smart, polite, and even better, completely impervious to every possible juvenile joke you can come up with. You know, like:

"So, what's it like being the No. 2 engineer at the plant?"

"Has a girlfriend ever dumped you because of your job?"

"Did you study at Duke University?"

"Is the plant's slogan, 'Just do do it'?"

"Do you log a lot of hours on the job?"

Not that I asked him any of those things. I'm simply speaking hypothetically.

In his 17-plus years working on Plum Island, Earle has heard it all. He's also seen it all: goldfish, socks, jewelry, even money. But in all those years he's never seen anything worth reaching in for. Like I said, the guy's not an idiot.

And the best way I know to honor someone like Earle, who does a job you and I are WAY too chicken to ever consider doing, is to think of him every single time I flush the toilet from this day forward.

Because after spending the better part of my Tuesday with him at the treatment plant, I can honestly say I have a newfound respect for him and what he does.

I also can honestly say that I will never wear these blue jeans again.

Bryce Donovan had plenty more solid poop jokes to include, but ... oh wait, I didn't even mean to do that! HA! That is awesome! Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.