Bigger bang

This is one time of the year when it is entirely — and literally — about getting the most bang for your buck.

Buying fireworks these days can be as complicated as choosing health care (which, incidentally, you probably should have if you intend on drinking beer while lighting dangerous explosives).

It's not like the old days, when you bought a few packs of bottle rockets, strands of fire crackers, maybe an M-80 or two dozen. A simple flaming contrail, a single pop and a few stars seems about as quaint as a TV without a remote or a phone with an actual dial.

Nowadays, you've got to wade through elaborate and sophisticated packs of mortars, gatlin guns, mysterious packages that boast of "maximum thrust" and being "barely legal" (which makes you wonder about the market they are, ahem, shooting for). Some of them are as good as a single starburst from a professional show.

"Years ago, we didn't have anything as powerful as what you get today," H.B. Limehouse said.

He has been selling fireworks on

Johns Island for 44 years, long enough to know what's what. Limehouse tests everything he sells, and can tell you with remarkable accuracy what's good and what's about as much fun as watching a $10 bill burn. If he tells you the Texas Rattlesnake is worth $16 — buy one, get one free — believe him.

Most people this year are going for the mortars, the most powerful — and best — show in the sky. John Willis at Lowcountry Fireworks in West Ashley says they're just about all he buys.

"Usually we run out and have to get more," he says.

Despite the economy, fireworks sellers are hoping that the Fourth of July falling on a long weekend will help sales.

"Maybe the stimulus checks will help," Willis jokes.

Fireworks Reviews

Five stars

Texas Rattlesnake: This is one of the new trend of a box with a dozen, 16- or even 30-shot small mortars that fire simultaneously off a single fuse. The Rattlesnake is one of the smaller ones, $16.99 - buy one, get one free - at Limehouse. It's also one of the best. Think opening credits on 'Love, American Style' - if you're old enough to know what that means. It shoots white lights into the sky, which then pop and sizzle with a sound that is sort of like ... well, sort of like a rattlesnake. Huh, some of these names actually mean something.

Full Blown Tilt: This is one of those large packages of a series of flaming balls. Most of these kinds of things run anywhere from $55 to $95 depending on where you buy. Full Blown Tilt is better than most, giving you a minute or two of one explosion after the next with a mini-finale.

Griz Missile w/report: Of all the rockets - most of which cost between $5 and $8, two-for-one in many places - this one is hands-down better than, say, the 'Maximum Thrust' which we will dub 'Intermediate Thrust.' But the Griz Missile carries like a Tiger Woods drive, with a bright flaming contrail and a surprisingly good explosion at the end of the ride.

Knock 3 Times: This $55 box of 12 triple-break shells is about the best thing on the market. These things, with their long fuses, are like hand grenades, but produce the closest thing you'll see to a professional fireworks show. Although more labor intensive, these provide a much better display than you get from a single-shot box of multiple explosions. And it's somewhat cheaper.

Warning:

Don't throw one of these at somebody, unless you are prepared to face manslaughter charges. This ain't your daddy's firecracker.

Fizzles

Color Me America: A single fuse, $15 box of 20 bursts, this one is all red, white and blue popping stars. Comes nowhere close to Texas Rattlesnake. Dubbed 'Color Me Lame' by some shooters.

500 Barely Legal Grams: A $75 single-shot box of more than a dozen flaming balls and reports. It starts slow but makes up for it somewhat with a climactic, multiple burst finish. Enjoyable, if you don't think about the fact that you just spent the equivalent of a tank of gas on less than two minutes of popping lights.

Cone No. 4: These simple spark shooters are cheap (about $5) and put on a fairly long shower of sparks that jet out of the cone, but they don't leave the ground. After you light it, step back - way back.

Gatlin Pack: This is basically a six-pack of popping, ball-shooting roman candles (about $15). They don't go very high, aren't that loud, but to their credit, each candle has a different effect. One reviewer noted, 'Is that it?'

Duds

Saturn Missiles, 25-shot box: Annoying whistles, little rockets that corkscrew nearly 20 feet in the air. Makes you wonder why anyone would buy the 700-shot Saturn missile pack, unless you were going to set them off near the house of someone you don't like.

Texas Pop Rockets: These are the new generation of bottle rockets, about $5 for a 12-pack. Apparently everything's big in Texas, except the explosions here. Still, better contrails than old-style bottle rockets.

Thor Missile: Let's just say the God of Thunder does not produce much excitement. Spend your $5 elsewhere.

Cyber Candle, 140 shots: A roman candle that disposes of 140 balls very quickly. Shares some of Thor's problems. Put an extra $5 with the $10 you'll spend on this and get another Texas Rattlesnake.

Reach Brian Hicks at 937-5561 or bhicks@postandcourier.com