Planning a wedding takes patience, money and above all, good health insurance

Sometimes, when you are deeply in love, you get that tingly feeling all over. And sometimes, you go to the doctor and he tells you that you have a herniated disc.

As I recently discovered, I have a bad back, which is causing the occasional tingling in my arms and legs. In fact, at this very moment, my right arm is almost completely numb. Luckily, this doesn't affect my typing because I have an assistant who transcribes all my columns for me. (Somebody please call 9-1-1! I have no food or water! HEY! I'm not paying you to add your own thoughts here! Wait, did you just write that down? Don't write that down!)

So how does an injury like this happen? Well, the doctor said it probably had something to do with sleeping in a plastic race car bed until I was 28 years old, but what does he know? My guess is it's probably related to all the wedding planning I've been doing recently.

Now I'm sure all the women out there are going, "Yeah, right. The only planning men do is choosing which magazine to read in the bathroom during their lunch hour."

Touche, ladies. But in this particular instance, I actually have been doing some wedding stuff. For instance, here are some of the awesome, last-minute things I've been up to that have probably contributed to my back issues:

Getting a marriage license.

If you've never done this before, getting a marriage license is a complicated process which requires a couple to fill out stacks of paperwork and then go through a series of physically and mentally demanding tests, sometimes over the course of weeks, in the hopes that one day the state deems them fit to be joined together in the union of holy matrimony.

HA! Of course I am only joking. All you need is $70.

Buying the wedding ring.

Excuse me, wedding rings. Yeah, that's right guys. You have to buy two of these things. Apparently the first one (also known as the "engagement ring") only gets you an appointment to get married. If you're really serious about her, you then buy her another ring (or "second engagement ring").

Sure, buying two rings might sound silly, but it's nothing compared to the part where you're supposed to come up with something to have engraved on the inside of the second one that is both profound and 20 characters or less.

(Unfortunately, spaces count, too.) In case you get stuck, here are a few I came up with:

YOU COMPLETE ME

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

PUT ME BACK ON

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE Y

Planning a honeymoon.

This is the fun part. Right now I have narrowed down the list of places I'd like to go to Puerto Rico, Mexico, Jamaica, Antigua, St. Lucia, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Belize, Grenada, Aruba, Bermuda, Hawaii, Fiji, Key West, the Bahamas, St. Thomas, St. Martin, Barbados, Martinique, the Cayman Islands and Bora Bora.

Sadly, this list looks nothing like the list of places that I can actually afford. At last glance, the leader on the board was West Virginia.

Organizing a bachelor party.

Sure, one could argue that putting together a weekend of debauchery with friends isn't technically anything that will help me or my fiancee when it comes to wedding planning, but then again I've never really sat down and asked the staff at The Pink Panther what kind of ideas they have for creating tasteful centerpieces at our reception.

Going to counseling.

I used to think counseling was something only married couples went to in an attempt to pretend for their kids' sake that they were actually trying to work things out. Boy was I wrong! As it turns out, premarital counseling is all the rage these days. In fact, many preachers won't perform a ceremony until the bride and groom complete a series of meetings first. During our meetings with our preacher, he taught us to:

Be open about our feelings.

Do a better job of engaging in active listening.

Blah, blah, blah. I wasn't really paying attention.

OK, so maybe none of that stuff contributed to my back going out. But this much I can tell you, planning a successful wedding requires lots of hard work by both the bride and groom.

Unless, of course, the groom gets a doctor's note.

Bryce Donovan highly recommends MRIs for anybody who enjoys driving a Mazda Miata. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.