Along for the ride

Post and Courier reporters tackle the thrill seeking rides that'll be at this year's Coastal Carolina Fair

Post and Courier reporters tackle the thrill seeking rides that'll be at this year's Coastal Carolina Fair

I can count the autumns of my life by the Coastal Carolina Fair.

I have gone to the fair as everything from a single girl on a date to a stroller-pushing mom to the way uncool, too enthusiastic mom of teens.

Recently, when I had a chance to go to the fair without my kids, I jumped at it.

Little did I suspect that the male co-workers who would accompany me on the trip would take me back to those diaper-changing days, but perhaps I should have suspected it when they drooled down their shirts while napping on the way there.

It's hard to find an event that compares to our Coastal Carolina Fair. With more than 200,000 attendees each year, it's one of the biggest in the country run entirely by volunteers (in this case, the Exchange Club of Charleston).

The Midway is provided by Amusements of America, a 60-year-old company listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the largest traveling amusement park in the world. They've brought in the rides and games at the Coastal Carolina Fair every year except the first.

Our local fair has 65-plus rides each year. A little less than half of them are rides for younger kids. (Some require riders to be less than 36 inches tall; adults can accompany their offspring on others.) The rest are "thrill" rides.

When it comes to rides, the faster, the higher, the twistier, the better, as far as I am concerned.

I assumed that would be the same for my co-workers, Bryce Donovan and Rob Young, who went with me to the Kiwanis Ogeechee Fair in Statesboro, Ga. Videographer Geoff Marshall captured the event on film, and it's a good thing. Otherwise, no one would ever believe how wimpy those two guys are.

Statesboro's fair, the next biggest event within an easy drive of Charleston, has 40 rides. In the spirit of the Coastal Carolina Fair (and to justify the mileage the company paid to send us there), we rode nearly all of them. Here is our review of our top 10, plus a bonus about one that wasn't there:

Carousel:

Rob: Lot of folks say that "life is a like a roller coaster" — full of ups and downs. Morons.

To me, life should be smooth and gentle with really happy music in the background. And if you're surrounded by multicolored horses, then all the better.

It's been pretty well-documented. Several fatalities have been attributed to roller coasters. I'm pretty sure no one has ever died on a carousel.

So, yep, I loved it. Although it was a lot faster than I remembered.

Banzai:

Bryce: Like 99 percent of all fair rides, the Banzai spins you in circles really fast. As for its appearance, well, it basically looks like a giant watch where one hand spins clockwise and the other makes you puke. Needless to say, I was on the second one.

Tilt-A-Whirl:

Bryce: At this point in our day of "fun," I'm starting to learn that handling circular motion isn't one of my strong suits. Lucky for me, I'm with Rob, who makes Chicken Little look like Chuck Norris. So I figure, "What the heck" and give it try. Within three seconds, I'm regretting this decision.

Gravitron:

Rob: To me, the fair smells like cotton candy, candied apples and fear. I see scared people, and he is me.

Case study: The Gravitron.

The ride operates by centrifugal force, the same method doctors use to separate blood.

Connection? Coincidence? Cahoots?

Dunno. But it's worrisome.

For starters, the Gravitron resembles an alien saucer, its green hatch opening to reveal an oval interior, where the riders are forced to lean against padded walls. Then, the machine begins speeding in circles like an enormous Sit 'N Spin toy, its victims/riders pinned against the wall by the G-force.

I sort of spaced out after that, and when I woke up three days later in a cornfield beside the Bearded Lady, she said it was great.

Somehow, I believe her.

Scooter:

Bryce: Bumper cars are good for all ages because they're fun, safe and, best of all, easy to operate. Unless, of course, you're like me and have never actually been in a bumper car before, so instead of being able to retaliate against that smug little redheaded kid who keeps ramming into me, I spend the entire five minutes of the ride looking for "Reverse."

Pharaoh's Fury:

A large boat on a pendulum swings back and forth, sort of giving the tummy a little thrill.

Bryce: This was my favorite ride. And that's saying quite a bit considering I was about to throw up the entire time I was on it. The reason I enjoyed it so much was because Rob, who was sitting two rows in front of Brenda and me, kept muttering (quite loudly, mind you), "Make it stop! Make it stop! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" while gripping the bar in front of him so hard his knuckles turned white. And that was before the ride even started.

Brenda: I wet my pants on this one. From laughing so hard at Bryce and Rob.

Bryce was next to me, so I got an up-close view as his face turned from one shade of green to the next and the little smart aleck who's never at a loss for words suddenly clammed up. That was funny, but nothing compared to Rob, two rows in front of us with a death grip on the bar in front of him and the bar behind him, mumbling like "Rainman" about making the ride stop.

When the ride finally did come to a rest, Bryce and Rob beat a hasty retreat behind the trailers behind the ride. (They neither confirm nor deny the presence of vomit.) A preteen girl who was sitting across from us asked between giggles. "Was that guy scared? Because his veins were popping out!" And, while waiting for the "men" to return, ride owner Dominic Vivona leaned into my ear and said, "You shoulda' brought some guys that were more like you."

Rob: Not my finest moment.

Extreme:

Brenda: This is where it became obvious that, if I wanted a thrill, I was gonna have to get it by myself. The guys, still trying to stand up straight after riding Pharaoh's Fury, watched from the ground as I alone sampled the Extreme. Making its debut at the Coastal Carolina Fair this year (but called the Orbiter instead of Extreme), it spins, it turns, it twists. It succeeded in confusing my equilibrium, but at this point, to admit any sort of dizziness was to admit defeat to the pansies who were with me. By the time I was through the exit chute, I pulled it together in the name of pride.

MTV Funhouse

Rob: This is a curious residence — cramped, dark and twisted — with TVs, loud music and small, metal floor rollers that allow visitors to mimic the moonwalk (I guess).

On the facade (porch?) are airbrushed portraits — the fair's obscenely good at this sort of thing — of Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keys, Lauryn Hill and Eminem.

Doubtful they'd ever live here. It's doubtful MTV even knows about this.

But I do know one thing: I really wish it were my house.

Ring of Fire:

Brenda: This is a pretty simple ride: It's a giant "O" with a train of enclosed cars that goes around the inside of the circle. Sort of reminds me of an old Matchbox loop-de-loop. Worse than the ride itself — and the moments spent suspended upside-down from the lapbar — was the woman two seats ahead who screamed, "Let me off! Let me off!" the entire ride. I wondered if she knows Rob.

Fireball:

Brenda: Four sets of seats facing inward spin in a circle while the entire arm also swings back and forth. It's a nice, smooth ride that takes riders about 60 feet in the air and has them pulling nearly 4Gs of force. If you like a tickle in the tummy, this is for you. This is a personal favorite.

Wacky Worm:

Rob: Not only did I like it, but the little girl in front of me with the unicorn earrings said she LOVED IT!

Shaped like a madcap worm or caterpillar, the mini roller coaster features mini bumps and mini turns. It's a ride more appropriate for children, or those with similar sensibilities.

The fair's got a bunch of rules, and like most rides, the Wacky Worm isn't recommended for anyone who's been ill or had recent surgery. Fighting a head cold, I nearly begged off.

But I pushed through. And now I wear my "I rode the Wacky Worm and survived" T-shirt with shame, absolute shame.

Space Roller (bonus):

In addition, each year, the Coastal Carolina Fair imports one or two from west of the Mississippi especially for us. Last year, that was the Magnum. This year, it's the Space Roller, which has a main arm that rises and spins while the six arms rotate, creating an endless combination of turns and somersaults. While I was unable to sample this ride, I did find an "onboard" video on YouTube. Let's just say that if it had been there, I would have been riding it alone. Rob and Bryce couldn't even watch the video without leaving a mess on my desk.