STAFF

Right about now you are probably in one of two places when it comes to gearing up for the holidays. No, I'm not referring to whether you've finished with Christmas shopping or the progress you may or may not have made on those Christmas cards. The holiday subject I'm talking about is Christmas music. At this point you are either totally digging on the fact that there are radio stations that play those festive tunes 24-7, or else you swear that you are going to whack someone upside the head with a stocking full of coal if you hear 'Carol of the Bells' one more time.

Yes, Christmas music can be a love/hate relationship for many, especially for me, who must start wading through piles of Christmas music CDs in August. Uh-huh, that's right — August. Although come to think of it, I may actually have received one in July. This holiday season found more than a dozen new holiday CDs come across my desk. Since full reviews of each CD would require another entire section of this newspaper, I have instead included capsule reviews of each one, and rated it simply with a Christmas tree (good) or a lump of coal (bad).

Bad or good?

'The Green Days of Christmas: The Holiday Tribute to Green Day'/'And Christmas for All!: The Holiday Tribute to Metallica'/'Hell's Bells of Christmas: The Holiday Tribute to AC/DC'

Santa Claws and the Naughty But Nice Orchestra

(Christmas Rock Records)

I would not have dreamed that this would work in a million years, but these CDs are among the most entertaining ones I received this year. The folks at Christmas Rock Records have taken songs by AC/DC, Metallica and Green Day and recorded them as instrumentals with a holiday tempo. The result is decidedly un-Christmas-like music that could conceivably be played at your grandmother's house with no one being any the wiser. This one gets a tree for sheer inventiveness.

'Santa's Playlist'

Sister Hazel

(Ridge Rock)

The ever-popular band from Gainesville, Fla., played some of their holiday tunes this past weekend at Boone Hall Plantation. The CD itself is pretty much what you'd expect from Sister Hazel, full of well-performed and nonoffensive songs, both traditional and original. Give those guys a tree.

'Christmas Means Love'

Joan Osborne

(TimeLife)

Miss 'What if God was One of Us?' has managed to keep her career going even after that one- hit wonder. Osborne's soulful vocals go well with the mostly R&B-sounding selections here, including 'Angels We Have Heard on High' and 'Silent Night.' Also great is 'What Do Bad Girls Get?' Pick out a tree, Joan.

'Classic Christmas Volume One and Two'

Toby Keith

(Show Dog)

Mr. Big Dog Daddy predictably decided that even his Christmas CD had to be bigger than everyone else's, so he released a two-CD set. Sure, the songs are divided between secular and nonsecular, but since each CD has a running time of about 30 minutes, all 20 songs could have fit on a single disc. The fact that Keith injects no new spirit into the songs solidifies his gift of a lump of coal.

'Christmas Songs'

Jars of Clay

(Gray Matters)

The biggest Christian rock group ever to break into alternative radio has released a pretty decent collection of music that actually tries to serve up something other than the same old Christmas songs. Particularly good are 'Winter Skin,' as well as the cover of Paul McCartney's 'Wonderful Christmastime.' Jars of Clay get a tree.

'It's Christmas, Of Course' — Darlene Love — (Shout!Factory)

More than a few music fans consider Love's version of 'Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),' recorded with Phil Spector, to be the best R&B Christmas song ever. I would have to agree. Love now capitalizes on her yuletide popularity with covers of songs by everyone from Tom Petty ('Christmas All Over Again') to The Pretenders ('2000 Miles') to Billy Squier ('Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You'). Love pretty much nails them all. The tree is on its way, Darlene.

'The Coolest Kidz Bop Christmas Ever!'

Kidz Bop Kid

(Razor & Tie)

I suspect that grown-ups actually buy the Kidz Bop CDs for other grown-ups they don't like. I honestly have no other way to explain why anyone would want to give this incredibly annoying CD as a gift, much less buy it for his own kid. This one gets a bucket of coal. Does Christmas music get any worse?

'Yo, It's Christmas!'

Yo Yo Yo Kids

(Razor & Tie)

Apparently it does get worse. Kidz Bop is actually almost listenable compared to this new entry from the same folks who unleashed Kidz Bop on us. If kids singing your favorite holiday tunes sounds annoying, then the same tykes rapping those tunes will have you jumping for the stop button on your CD player. Give this to someone you really despise. Bonus points if they don't have kids. There isn't enough coal in West Virginia to cover this one.

'The Johnny Cash Christmas Special 1976/1977' — Johnny Cash — (Shout!Factory)

Earlier this year Shout!Factory released a great compilation of performances from Johnny Cash's TV variety show. Just as fascinating are these two Christmas TV specials, which feature performances by Cash himself, as well as classic artists, such as Carl Perkins, Roy Orbison, Roy Clark, The Carter Family, June Carter Cash and Tony Orlando. If country music isn't your thing, then you can still marvel at just how truly, er, different the clothing styles were 30 years ago. Give Johnny a big tall tree.

'A Christmas Celtic Sojourn Live' — Various Artists — (Rounder)

The Christmas edition of Brian O'Donovan's popular public radio program, 'A Celtic Sojourn,' has long been a favorite for listeners. Now O'Donovan has teamed up with Rounder Records to release a CD and a DVD version of the live show. Artists such as Navan, Robbie O'Connell and Karan Casey perform traditional Christmas songs, as well as Celtic tunes, and the result is spellbinding for anyone looking for something a bit different this year. This one gets a tree.

'Home For Christmas: Voices From The Heartland' — Various Artists — (Rounder)

If roots and Americana music is on your Christmas music list, then this CD should make you happy. Artists include Riders in the Sky, Sam Moore, Rhonda Vincent and Wilson Pickett performing unusual versions of your favorite holiday tunes. Especially good are The Persuasions' 'You're All I Want for Christmas' and Leon Redbone's 'Blue Christmas.' Look, there are already trees on the CD cover. Less work for me.

'Love's Holiday: A Gospel Christmas' — Various Artists — (TimeLife)

Since there have been so many good R&B and gospel holiday CDs released in the past, when a new one comes out, it often gets immediately compared to the classic discs of year's past. 'Love's Holiday' is one of those new releases that actually lives up to the hype. The lineup on the CD is strong (Whitney Houston, Christina Aguilera, Luther Vandross, Patti Labelle, Alicia Keys), and the songs are well chosen. This one will get spins in the coming years for R&B and gospel fans, and earns a tree.

'Alternative Rock Xmas' — Various Artists – (Capitol)

Although the term 'alternative music' has lost much of its luster, we can still count on at least one collection of hip rock bands being assembled together to pump out a Christmas song apiece. This year's collection is a mixed bag that features The Decemberists, Jimmy Eat World, The Alarm, Dada, The Smithereens, Luscious Jackson and others. The songs, most of them obscure, are very hit and miss, resulting in a mixed rating for the CD. Try to picture a tree smudged with coal dust.

'Malt Shop Memories Christmas' — Various Artists — (TimeLife)

Song for song, this was one of the best CDs I received this year. Granted, it's an extremely safe CD, and I think TimeLife meant for that to be the case. Take artists such as The Drifters, The Beach Boys, The Temptations, The Supremes and Bobby Darin, and include the holiday songs for which each of those artists are famous, and you have a can't-miss collection. A big ol' tree with a milkshake on top.

'Monster Ballads Xmas' — Various Artists — (Razor & Tie)

This is proof that if you record a Christmas song, no matter how obscure or how vilified your band becomes, it will still someday end up on a holiday compilation. I had no idea that Winger had even recorded a cover of John Lennon's 'Happy Christmas (War is Over).' To clarify, I've never really been one to follow Winger's career in any capacity, but that tune, as well as ones by hair-metal bands such as Skid Row ('Jingle Bells'), Dokken ('Santa Claus is Coming to Town'), Stryper ('Winter Wonderland'), and even Enuff Z'Nuff ('Happy Holiday') are included here. As a special bonus, the 'one of these things just doesn't belong' award goes to Nelson, which performs 'Jingle Bell Rock.' I'd give this a lump of coal if I could stop laughing long enough. Let's move on to the next selection so I can catch my breath.

'Classic Soft Rock Christmas' — Various Artists — (TimeLife)

Hahahahahahahahaha! Gasp! Hahahahaha! Wow, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, we go from hair metal to wimp rock. Admittedly, there are some good songs here, such as Elton John's 'Step into Christmas' and Hall & Oates' agreeable version of 'Jingle Bell Rock.' For the most part though, these songs by everyone from America to Christopher Cross are as delicate as one of those old-school glass tree ornaments. Picture a tree with coal ornaments, and you'll get an idea of the mixed feelings I had listening to this CD.

Dollar-store discoveries

Just about every year around the holidays I head out to the local stores where everything costs $1, looking for Christmas music. The choices are often hideous, but I'm willing to let my ears take one for the team. Occasionally I find something that is actually surprisingly good (see the Dr. Elmo CDs below), but for the most part it is what one would expect from the dollar store. It was one of these excursions a few years ago that led me to what I consider to be the worst Christmas song of all time, 'Dominick the Donkey' by Lou Monte. Here are this season's dollar-store discoveries, for better or worse.

'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer/Christmas In The USA' – Dr. Elmo — (BMG)

There are many out there, including myself, who think that 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' is one of the most insipidly annoying Christmas novelty tunes out there. So when I saw these two CDs by Dr. Elmo, one half of the original duo of Elmo & Patsy, who originally released the classic (or is it infamous) song, I figured I had an easy target. When I saw titles such as 'Texas Chainsaw Christmas' and 'Uncle Johnny's Glass Eye,' I figured I'd hit the bad Christmas music jackpot. Surprisingly though, while I still cannot stand Elmo's signature hit, I have to admit that most of his songs, including those two I mentioned before, are funny, well-written, and even tug at the heartstrings a bit. Nobody was more surprised than me.

'Lohan Holiday' – Ali Lohan — (YMC)

Let's get the big question out of the way first. Yes, Ali is the little sister of Lindsay Lohan. As yet, Ali has not turned out to be a walking train wreck like her older sibling, and Lindsay's penchant for making the news might be the reason why when 'Lohan Holiday' was released last year, no one batted an ear. Less than a year later, it's a dollar-store cutout, and with good reason. Ali can sing — sort of. Traditional songs such as 'Deck the Halls' and 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' are mixed with originals such as 'I Like Christmas' and 'Christmas Magic' that seem to be aimed at ‘tween girls. The title track, 'Lohan Holiday,' features Lindsay singing with Ali. If you're waiting for the Hannah Montana Christmas CD, this might tide you over, but otherwise avoid this like Los Angeles streets when Lindsay is behind the wheel.

'A Christmas Concert' – Various Artists — (KRB)

This is one of those compilation CDs where it appears that the company has gone and scraped together the lowest-priced holiday songs they could find and released them on a convenient single disc. Where else are you going to find such stellar artists as The Ambrosia Singers, Mitch Miller & His Gang, and Hugo & Luigi Children's Choir singing the hits of the holidays? When you have a Christmas album where Liberace is the biggest name, you have some serious yuletide problems. Still, if you're looking for a completely nonoffensive CD to give to your Aunt Edna, then this is it. Also doubles as a handy coaster for those holiday drop-ins.

'Yule Log' — (World Trading Center)

For the first time I found a DVD at bargain-basement prices that is worthy of this space. 'Yule Log' is simply a 90-minute video loop of a fireplace, with festive instrumental Christmas music (the kind Lindsay Holler hates) playing over it. The real hoot though, is that there are actual menu settings on this DVD, allowing the user to choose between having the music on or off, as well as the fire crackling or silent. There are even two different views of the fire, a close-up version that fills the TV screen with festive flames, or a wider shot that includes a couple of burning candles and some brightly wrapped gifts. Truly sad, yet strangely kitschy.

Holiday favorites

When it comes to talking music, the only folks with bigger opinions than music critics seem to be the musicians themselves. With that in mind, Preview asked several Lowcountry musicians to name their favorite holiday tune. While we were at it, and because we like to see them squirm a bit, we also asked each performer for his or her least favorite Christmas song.

Papa Robbie (local reggae artist, songwriter):

'My favorite Christmas song is ‘Jingle Bells' by Booker T. & The MGs. My parents used to play the ‘A Soul Christmas' album on the 8-track at Christmastime when I was a kid, and whenever I heard that song, it made me happy, plus it was so soulful. I can't stand ‘Let It Snow.' There ain't no snow in Charleston, man!'

Cary Ann Hearst (singer, songwriter, sweetheart of the rodeo):

'My favorite Christmas song is a tie between The Ramones' ‘Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight),' Darlene Love's ‘It's Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)' and ‘Fairytale of New York' by the Pogues. The Ramones' one is just simple perfection. ‘Baby Please Come Home' shatters my heart into a million pieces every year, and I secretly rehearse in the mirror every year, so that I will look cool on a Christmas special someday if I ever get the chance to sing it. ‘Fairytale of New York' is the most realistic Christmas song ever. It starts out all pretty and in young love, then degenerates into a hateful blitzkrieg of drunk and disorderly mayhem, resolving in bittersweet Irish-American glory. I am not big on the Bells song, you know, ‘Here come the bells, ringing the bells, bells-bells-bells-bells, ding-dong ding-dong ...' and all that. I can't help visualizing the cast of 'Saturday Night Live' caroling that mess. ‘Jingle Bells' is pretty lame, too.'

Sadler Vaden (guitarist/vocalist and songwriter for the band Leslie):

'My favorite Christmas song is James Brown's ‘Let's Make Christmas Mean Something This Year' off of ‘James Brown Christmas.' The reason this is my favorite Christmas song is that James lets out the most blood curdling screams ever, and it's a Christmas song! My least favorite Christmas song is ‘Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.' The reason this is my least favorite is that my grandma actually got run over by a reindeer in '94.' (Sadler's kidding about his grandma, folks.)

John Seymour (singer, guitarist for The Fire Apes):

'My favorite Christmas song would have to be ‘Little Saint Nick' by The Beach Boys. It's a song that puts me in the Christmas spirit with its cheerful melody and simple-yet-clever lyrics. My least favorite is ‘12 Days of Christmas.' The repetitious verses have always made it hard for me sing along without feeling as though fingernails were being scraped across a blackboard.'

Lindsay Holler (performer, songwriter, leader of the Dirty Kids):

'I've been listening to gospel Christmas music lately. (I've) been rocking out to an amazing version of ‘Go Tell It on the Mountain' by the Blind Boys of Alabama with very special guest Tom Waits. There's a lot of depth and faith rocking out, right there! I will also use any opportunity to enjoy any of the wonderful gems from ‘Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas' (‘Riverbottom Nightmare Band' and ‘When The River Meets The Sea'). This particular holiday special is a family tradition and these songs have tremendous heart and really beautiful melodies! My least favorite holiday music is generic, canned synth holiday music. I once had a job a long time ago in the Christmas section of a department store and had to listen to that every day for three months. It almost killed me!

Gary Erwin (aka Shrimp City Slim, local blues purveyor):

Gary listed his favorites as ‘Merry Christmas, Baby' by Charles Brown, ‘Bomba en Navidad' by Fruko y sus Tesos, ‘Christmas Tears' by Freddy King,' ‘Twelve Days of Christmas' by Eek-a-Mouse, and ‘Merry Christmas' by Lightnin' Hopkins. When asked what his least favorite song was, Erwin simply replied, 'Anything that is played before Thanksgiving!' Here here, Slim!

Richard Weld (bassist for A Decent Animal, co-owner of Poe boutique, keeper of the finest beard in the local music community):

'I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas music. Most of it I hate, but only because, come Thanksgiving, its all you hear for a month! But when Amanda and I opened Poe we bought a bunch of Christmas music to play in the store and actually found a couple of good ones. Leon Redbone is my favorite for sure. ‘Christmas Island' from the album of the same name (is) a great song, very catchy, very Leon Redbone and you never hear it on the radio! I like Elvis doing Christmas songs, too. He was such a mama's boy you kind of feel like she was there twisting his ear making him sing all the Christmas carols. ‘Blue Christmas' is a good one for sure. I hate the duet (David) Bowie and Bing Crosby did together, ‘The Little Drummer Boy.' (It's a) great song and I love Bowie, but man, their voices mix together like stirring your eggnog with a yule log.