Our favorite sextet of Charleston socialites were at it again, thanks to Bravo staple Andy Cohen. Cohen's the guy that mediates all of the Bravo channel's reunion shows with the Real Housewives. You know, the ones that always end up with fights and a restraining order.
No such luck with the reunion episode of "Southern Charm" on Monday night, though. T-Rav, Whitney, Shep, Craig, Cameran and Jenna were all genteel and well-behaved. The general vibe was, well, more awkward than a cow on a crutch.
Cohen comes right out of the gate with the baby Kensington questions and T-Rav talks about how much joy she's brought to his life and wonders why he waited so long to have children, saying he should have started when he was Kathryn's age.
Why aren't people in Charleston big fans of the show?
T-Rav says that it's just a handful of people that make a lot of noise - they sit at the bar in the back of the yacht club and complain. Granted, but aren't those the same people that donate money to political campaigns, dear Thomas?
T-Rav also says that a friend told him, "Of course Charleston is a drunken city. We just don't do it on TV." I'm nodding in agreement to that one. I would never go on television and let people see me drinking gas station wine. I mean, Wal-mart wine.
Cameran says it's because people in Charleston don't like change and they are hypocritical with their holier-than-thou attitudes.
Craig says not everyone hates it because, after all, they "haven't had to pay for anything in about three weeks."
Shep says his friends think it's a fair representation of their lives and Craig agrees.
Shep tells the story of how after the first several episodes aired, Whitney's mom got all dolled up and went to Whole Foods and was disappointed when no one recognized her. People don't pay attention to people at Whole Foods, Patricia. They are too busy trying to find the wheat germ.
Why did most of the drama come from the men on the show?
Craig says it's hard to keep his opinions in, perhaps because of where he's from. Ah, yes. The steadfast state of Delaware.
Shep goes on about how he still doesn't understand Craig's Bro Code, claiming that it's the woman's choice who she wants to be with.
Whitney chimes in that he thinks the Bro Code is fratty and dumb.
It's posited that Craig only stirred up the drama with Kathryn because she spurned his advances. When Craig denies it, Shep triumphantly says, "I won."
Pan to T-Rav, kinda sorta trying to smile, but not really.
Why do Shep and Craig 'fish from the same pond?'
When it comes to women, Shep says it's okay that he and Craig "fish from the same pond" because he uses a "different lure."
He also says that Craig is too particular when it comes to women: "He's on the sidelines, and I'm out there throwing touchdowns."
Craig retorts by saying that Shep is just a "quantity" guy.
Gotta give it to Craig on this one - I think he's the one coming out looking like a winner. Shep just looks like a braggart and that's not attractive, no matter how flippy your hair, nor how big your smile.
Whitney regrets how he spoke to T-Rav about his negative opinions of Kathryn, but that his advice was "out of love" and ultimately out of concern for his political career.
T-Rav regrets seeing himself that drunk. When Cohen jokingly references all of the slurring, T-Rav admits to being a lightweight. He's not a big drinker, and he can't handle his liquor, he says.
I have never in my life heard a Southern man say that out loud.
Jenna is in the hot seat for just a moment. If you blinked, you would have missed it.
When asked whether she has a Sugar Daddy, Jenna just says that she's been lucky in Vegas and invested in some real estate stocks. She knows she'll eventually run out of her money, if she keeps spending it the way she does, but she doesn't see where she needs a 9-5 just yet.
It then becomes The Shep Show for a while. Cohen endearingly calls him Sheppy throughout the episode, but the young Boykin either doesn't get that it's emasculating or he doesn't care.
Cohen asks Shep if his "passion for leisure" affects his ability to settle down, to which Shep responds by saying that he doesn't like asking permission for anything. He admits to being "overeducated, but undermotivated."
When they all tell him that Danni is the one for him, he says that "it all looked good on paper," but it just wasn't there.
"Being in love is when you can't be happy when the other person is unhappy, and I just didn't feel that way."
And then he apologizes for it. It's like he had a little growth spurt. Then he says that he "doesn't want to be put up with," he wants to be put in his place.
Cohen begins talking to Shep about his manner of birth control, or lack thereof, and the comments were just, well, awkward.
Praise Thomas time
Craig says more people like Thomas now than before, but "they just may not be in South Carolina."
Um. That's great, except that he's planning to run for the U.S. Senate. In South Carolina.
Whitney says that there's "something refreshing" about T-Rav and compares him to Tip O'Neill and JFK. I can't even go there.
Craig says that he's saying things for this new generation that no one else will say.
Jenna agrees that T-Rav is "likeable."
Cameran admits that she was moved by the things T-Rav said at his advice party.
Cohen should have just brought out some kittens and puppies to round out the Love Fest.
T-Rav & Kathryn
T-Rav thinks Kathryn and the baby will help him in his Senate race. "It helps me as a person, ergo, it helps me as a candidate," he says.
I heard him use a Greek word and I went into a brief panic, afraid that he would misquote Sophocles, Aeschylus and Euripedes all at the same time.
He says that the new baby has been "transformative" and that his relationship with Kathryn shows that he's "settled down."
Cohen starts to needle T-Rav about his former fiancee, the infamous "beverage cart girl" from the advice party dinner. He confirms that he hasn't communicated with her - Kathryn wouldn't approve or appreciate that. "It's not healthy" and he shouldn't talk about her anymore. Cohen keeps pushing him to talk about it.
Then it's Kathryn's turn to join the panel.
One month after giving birth to her and T-Rav's daughter, a now blondish Kathryn says that things are happily ever after so far.
Cohen points out that there were harsh critics of their relationship and she admits that a lot of things hurt and disappointed her. She was upset about how people doubted the validity of her feelings for T-Rav. Whitney admits that he thought she was trying to trap T-Rav, and Cameran also says she initially thought the whole relationship was fake.
Kathryn stands up for herself well, saying that "despite the age difference, there is still a capacity to love someone, no matter how old they are."
And then Cohen asks her if she thinks it's weird that T-Rav and her dad are the same age.
Talk then turns to Kathryn's intimacies with Whitney and Shep.
Awkward for T-Rav.
Whitney was a "drunken mistake" and Shep was "fun."
Awkward for everyone.
Kathryn and T-Rav admit that they got back together the day after the break up, aka The Sobbing Incident. T-Rav embraces the raw emotion he exhibited. "Those were my own thoughts, my own feelings," he says, in response to an accusation that it was scripted.
Kathryn says that watching the show caused self-reflection and she's happy with the changes.
"I'm much softer now," she says.
And she apologized for the eyelashes.
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT SOMEONE TO SAY IN COMPARING YOUR BOYFRIEND TO YOUR DAD: "They wear the same pants." - Cohen to Kathryn
BEST ANSWER TO A QUESTION THAT ALREADY SOUNDS LIKE A CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "A promise made is a promise kept." - T-Rav as to doing the show because he told Whitney he would
BEST RESPONSE TO WHY YOU DON'T WANT TO SETTLE DOWN: "I yearn for freedom. Like William Wallace." - Shep
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GET A PENNY IN YOUR SHORTS ABOUT REALITY TELEVISION: "It's entertainment." - Cameran