It all hit the fan on the season finale of "Southern Charm" Monday night, considering we witnessed more confessions than a priest at a Kennedy's deathbed.
Out at Shep's family's farm, Whitney decides to admit to T-Rav what really went on with him and Kathryn,"in lieu of" what Craig said at the dinner party. I think he meant to say "in light of," but despite all of the literary sayings that have been shredded this season, I won't harp on this one. I'll just point it out. And laugh.
Whitney says all of the things a man should say to his best friend when referencing an intimate encounter with said best friend's current girlfriend at a time when she wasn't actually said best friend's girlfriend: He wants to come clean and just be honest; he wasn't lying to be deceitful, he just didn't want to hurt him; he feels "dark and sleazy," but "it is what it is."
T-Rav reels from the news and says he wished he'd "known this earlier." But I'm sure he realizes that there would be no show if he hadn't played ignorant all this time. We would have lost about four episodes.
While T-Rav wonders what to do next, Whitney, as always, uses the opportunity to give him personal and political advice. It seems to be working, until Kathryn ventures out in her pajamas, tiptoeing around like Elmer Fudd after the rabbit. She asks what they are doing and T-Rav says they are just having a chit-chat. Then she says chit-chat. Apparently, chit-chat is a hard word to say after all of that alcohol.
Kathryn and T-Rav go inside for bed and we see what may be the poorest excuse for a truth-searching confrontation ever. He asks if she has anything she wants to tell him, any secrets she wants to share, because he just wants her to be honest with him. She answers all of his questions with a question, all riddled with denial.
It's like verbal ping-pong, but I could hardly understand anything they were saying because of all of the slurring.
Kathryn finally admits that she slept with Whitney because T-Rav dumped her. She may be young, but this girl knows how to redirect a drunk man into making it sound like her extracurricular sexual activities were actually his fault.
T-Rav then tells her that he's not judging her, cradles her into a snuggle-hug and tells her he cares about her.
Awkward ride home
The next morning, everyone packs up to leave, but Danni stays behind with Shep to help clean and close the house up. Shep is incredibly relieved with how the weekend went because he expected an incident and there wasn't one.
Cameran drives back to Charleston with Craig, Jenna and Whitney and they all have a big laugh talking about how Whitney spilled the beans to T-Rav. Whitney continues with his defense strategy, claiming that it wasn't anything meaningful and it was just in a moment of passion.
Now it's passion. Before, he had said it was a moment of weakness. Either way, he continues to say he feels bad about it.
As the show's voice of reason and clarity, Cameran refers to T-Rav as "a stumblin', damn mess" because he doesn't even know what world he's in. She then suggests they all take a moment of silence for T-Rav and Kathryn. Craig says he won't waste a prayer on that one, as he bites into his Slim Jim.
T-Rav and Kathryn don't share as many laughs on their ride home. He can't get very far with his accusations, though. She, once again mastering the female art of redirection, is able to turn it all around. She claims that Whitney has been trying to sabotage their relationship this entire time and asks why T-Rav isn't bothered about that. Bless his heart. He can talk about his own disappointment and Whitney's guts and integrity all day long, but this gal has some skills.
Closed for business
Shep goes to Whitney's mom's house for what he likely assumes is a business meeting about the restaurant he and Whitney have talked about opening together. Over a nice glass of red wine, Whitney admits to speaking with other investors and tells Shep he's decided to move forward without him. Shep's feelings are hurt. Whitney feels bad. Then they shake hands with an agreement to not have any animosity between them.
"It feels like we're breaking up. I should have just done this by text," Whitney says.
In last week's episode, Cameran set Whitney up with a new loft so he can live on his own, and this week he brings his mother over to see it. As expected, she starts expressing her disapproval before she even gets to the front door. Once inside, the first thing she says is, "To quote Bette Davis, 'What a dump!' "
You know, because insults to your children hurt less when you try to wrap it up in a reference from a movie that came out in 1949.
She apologizes, but then she takes pretentiousness to all new heights and calls it dreary, brown, dirty, ugly, Salvation Army-ish and declasse and compares the furniture to things you get on sale at Home Depot. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it's women like this that drive Southern men to drink.
We next get a glimpse of Craig on a date with a lovely young lady that wears a red dress because it's his favorite color. She asks him what he plans to do after he graduates from law school - what he wants to do, where does he see himself in five years, does he think he'll ever get married, have children, and so on.
Poor Craig. He's obviously never read Steve Harvey's "Think Like a Woman, Act Like a Man," or he would have seen this entire conversation coming.
It's here that we learn that he wants to litigate and be a champion in the legal field. He's not intentionally putting off marriage and will think about settling down in 8-10 years. And my favorite part, he wants to buy a boat and name it "The Office" so that he can tell people that he's at the office and not feel bad about it.
T-Rav meets with his minister at the Huguenot Church to discuss how things are going in his life. But first, because they are supposed to act natural and "be real," we hear about how much the Ravenel family has been involved with the church and its existence, the escape from religious persecution, architectural restorations, family plaques and lions and tigers and bears, oh my.
In describing Kathryn, T-Rav again refers to her as being a Dennis and coming from "good stock." She's a "young girl" who is eager to get married and start a family. But, he tells his minister, he's got some anxiety because she's done some stupid things, as young women often do. He wants to know if he should go with his head or his heart in a situation like this.
After some heavy sighing and nodding, The Rev. advises him to go with his head and to be honest with her about his doubts and feelings about the relationship. "Just remember, when it doubt, don't," he says.
It's a sad day indeed when the Huguenot can't get The Rev. Huguenot to approve of his relationship with the other Huguenot.
Whitney has decided to throw a Fourth of July party at his new loft and we'd be naive to think that this goes off without a little drama.
While getting ready for the party, Kathryn tries to coordinate her outfit with what T-Rav is wearing. In trying to appease her, he laughs and says they don't have to look like the Bobbsey Twins. Of course, she has no clue what he's talking about. He tells her that it's from the 1960s and she asks him if that's when he was born. Bless her heart.
T-Rav then asks her if she's going to be okay with being at Whitney's house. She says she doesn't care. "I was just young and dumb and trying to move on from you."
See how she flips that back around? Skills, I say.
They get to the party and everyone is shocked and surprised that T-Rav hasn't broken up with Kathryn yet. Whitney says it's because T-Rav is immune to reasoning and logic. Whitney gave him an "out" with his admission, after all.
Shep has invited all the girls that he's "texting currently," which puts a bit of a penny in Danni's shorts. His "cup runneth over," he says. Shep confronts Danni on her mood, thinking that she's going to profess her undying love for him, but she turns the tables on him. She wants him to focus on the future because he's got so much potential, but he's afraid of life and stuck in a bubble where he doesn't want to grow up.
Finding herself sitting alone next to Craig, Kathryn suggests they "squash out" their drama. He agrees. Things should be fine because "we're pretty. We like to have a good time," he says.
While everyone is watching fireworks, T-Rav talks to Whitney about how he doesn't know where it's going with Kathryn and how he thinks that the sky is the limit for him professionally, if he can get his personal life together.
Breaking up is hard to do, so don't
In T-Rav's diary session, he says he loves Kathryn and he cares about her, but he's got a lot to think about with his trust issues. He's struggling and conflicted. To my relief, he didn't pull out some Shakespearian reference to his life.
He meets Kathryn for a "face-to-face" talk and tells her that he loves her, respects her and would do anything for her. Then he chokes back tears and his voice cracks.
To paraphrase T-Rav: No matter how much you love someone or how much chemistry you have, sometimes it's not enough. We're at different times, in different places. This can't last. I'm an old man. I don't trust the situation. It's not natural. I was living in a fantasy land.
To paraphrase Kathryn: You're just afraid and your decisions are misguided. Your age doesn't matter to me, it never has. I know what I want. We're in love, Thomas.
She's crying. He's crying.
As she gets into her car to leave, he tries to hug it out with her and says "I love you" through his tears. Kathryn wishes him the best and breaks out the ever-awful back pat.
T-Rav goes back inside, takes several stairs at a time, and ultimately drops himself in a chair with his head in his hands.
Fade to black.
On-screen text says "Nine Months Later" as a baby cries in the background. Then you get your shot of T-Rav holding their daughter, Kensington, giving her a bottle, as Kathryn sits next to him.
It really is a precious moment ... once you get past the 3-foot bow on the infant's head.
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT A FORMER LOVER SAYING ABOUT BEING WITH YOU: "It was just an afterthought." - Whitney about Kathryn
NEW WORD OF THE EVENING: "Debauching." Not sure if it's a verb or a noun or even a real word, but Whitney's mom uses it in reference to what his friends do.
BEST COMEBACK TO SOMEONE COMMENTING ON YOUR HOUSEWARMING PLANT: "I stole it from the lobby." - Cameran to Whitney
MOST POLARIZING WAY TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF WHEN DISCUSSING YOUR FAMILY'S LEGACY OF SUCCESS: "No Ravenel is richer than myself." - T-Rav
BEST WAY TO FREAK OUT YOUR MINISTER WHEN DESCRIBING YOUR YOUNG GIRLFRIEND: "She's a Fertile Myrtle." - T-Rav about Kathryn to Rev. Bryant
MOST FEAR-INDUCING RESPONSE FROM YOUR MINISTER AFTER YOU POUR YOUR HEART OUT ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHO IS 29 YEARS YOUR JUNIOR: "I see." - The Rev. to T-Rav
BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE SEASON: "My life did not turn out the way I expected it to." - T-Rav to Whitney
ON NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE: Reunited and it feels so good.