For those of you that were watching UConn take it to Kentucky in the NCAA championship game Monday night instead of watching Bravo's sixth episode of "Southern Charm," I've got your recap. But first, let me pause in a moment of silence since the SEC didn't walk away with the trophy.
The episode begins with everyone waking up the morning after the disaster that was JD's Carolina Day party. Cameran and Craig are getting ready for work, which is weird, since June 28 was on a Friday. For the sake of buying what they're selling, I'll assume that the party was held on a weeknight.
Cameran sets off to meet her new boss, Eve Olasov, a local high-end real estate maven, for a lesson on how to sell it well. And yes, this is the same woman that in Cameran's interview said: "Are you tough? ... You look a little fragile to me." So, yeah, Cameran's really got to step up to the plate on this one.
And sweet serendipity! Wouldn't you know, the $2.2 million downtown home they are going to is right next door to T-Rav's house.
And yes, the house they are listing is amazing and Eve is killing it on her knowledge of Charleston history and architecture, but things get interesting when Cameran mentions that T-Rav has a "new squeeze." Eve, oh so casually, says that she "ran into Thomas" about 15 years ago. And with the brilliance of Bravo's editing, it is implied that she didn't exactly run into him while jogging.
Later, after Cameran and Shep have lunch at the Shrimp Shack, where Shep complains that peeling shrimp is manual labor, she shows off her new car. Which she bought so she can look more like the real estate agent she wants to be, instead of the fledgling agent with no commission that she really is. And which she named "Unicorn." Because unicorns are based in reality, just like this show.
At Whitney's house, where we see he walks his own dog just like the rest of us, Whitney gives his mother a recap of the mess that was the Carolina Day party, but only after she orders her "medicine" from her servant man. Yes, it's still morning. She then gets into insulting Whitney's restaurant idea again, and although she thinks Shep is "darling," she still doesn't approve of Whitney going into business with him.
She's not alone.
We get introduced to Bryan, Whitney's friend from Los Angeles, who is the founder of Planet Hollywood and who, of course, is one of the beautiful people. Whitney discusses the restaurant idea and seeks his advice and wants him to be a part of it. Bryan likes Shep as a person, but tells Whitney that Shep would "drink him out of business." Bryan will be in if Shep is out. Whitney agrees because "business is business."
T-Rav's morning consists of meeting with his political advisor, Will Folkes. For someone who continues to go on and on about how he doesn't care what people think, T-Rav often asks what people think. He's talking about how great Kathryn is: her boldness, her moxie, and again with her poise and confidence. I'm hoping he can come up with some new descriptions for her - he uses those two words in every episode. In recognizing that T-Rav is pretty into this girl, Will, with surprise, tells him that it's not T-Rav's "M-O to catch feelings." Don't you just love it when someone compares making a love connection to coming down with the flu? Like it's tuberculosis or something.
T-Rav asks Will if his May-December romance with Kathryn is tawdry or debaucherous. As cool as a cucumber, Will tells T-Rav that there's stuff in his past that's "more problematic than that." Will was checking arrest records and came across T-Rav's DUI arrest in New York. And then they laugh. Sure. Because losing your license is funny.
T-Rav and Kathryn go out for lunch and talk about how immature and judgmental everyone else is. Kathryn says age is "so irrelevant" to her and T-Rav gushes again about how she's an "old soul" and he needs that in his life and it's "never too late for a good wife." Snooze.
He tells her about the "life advice" party he wants to throw for his "friends" and they discuss the guest list, which, strangely enough, just so happens to only include the cast members of the show. Instead of drafting up invitations to drop in the mail, they put his phone on speaker, in the middle of the restaurant, and call Cameran to ask her to the party.
Cameran answers and puts her phone on speaker, in the middle of the restaurant where she and Jenna are having lunch at Hominy Grill. The pair agree to attend and, after the phone call is complete, laugh at the idea of T-Rav being a "motivational speaker" and how the evening will end up to be "pure comedy."
Let the party begin
As T-Rav is working on the seating arrangement, Kathryn tells him that "Whitney should be at the kids' table." She's being quite hateful, considering that she promised Whitney at the Carolina Day party that she wouldn't throw him under the bus. (Are we all thinking the same thing?)
Everyone is nervous as they arrive. And why wouldn't they be? Their "friend" has invited to them to a fancy dinner party to make them feel bad about themselves. You know, because T-Rav is so superior. To calm their nerves, they immediately start to drink and whisper to each other about what a joke this is going to be.
And then it begins. Note: They are at the table, but they can't eat until T-Rav is finished with his dramatic monologue: a total mash-up of poorly chosen references to "The Glass Menagerie." He wrecked Shakespeare in a previous episode, why not go for Tennessee Williams in this one?
Surprisingly, T-Rav has some pretty decent overall advice for these young grasshoppers: Look inside yourself, be careful of what you want, be true to who you are, that kind of thing. But he insults everyone as he gives them their personalized notes. Except Kathryn. And JD.
He then goes on and on about his previous three-year relationship with a "beverage cart girl" from the country club. On and on. And on. And yes, Kathryn is sitting right there.
The "beverage cart girl" has since gotten married and had a baby (to which Shep asks, "Is it yours?") and something about him mailing her a check and she ripped it up and mailed it back to him. It was relatively unintelligible rambling, so he lost me a bit.
Cameran asked T-Rav what he would do if he found out that the "beverage cart girl" was "single and ready to mingle." He declares that he would "be all over it like white on rice." And yes, Kathryn is sitting right there.
Kathryn retaliates by hurling insults at Craig, thus changing the focus of the conversation and the mood at the table. This is when Craig throws out that Kathryn has slept with three guys at the table in three weeks. Now wait just a minute, we only know of two. Or do we?
Then the redhead with such "poise" starts cursing and tries to throw Craig out of the house. Craig tells T-Rav that Kathryn is "bad news" with ulterior motives and he should keep his guard up. Meanwhile, Shep and Danni are making out in the butler's pantry.
T-Rav wonders why Craig seemed to hit a nerve with Kathryn and starts questioning what the truth really is. Kathryn ends the evening by telling T-Rav to "believe what you want, lose what you want" and then slams the door behind her as she leaves.
Talk about awkward.
BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT: "I was over served." - T-Rav referring to the Carolina Day party, at which he threatened to pull out his college wrestling moves on Whitney on the sidewalk
WHAT TO HOPE FOR AT T-RAV'S "LIFE ADVICE" DINNER PARTY: "Maybe he'll give condoms as party favors at the door." - Cameran
ANOTHER THING TO WISH FOR AT T-RAV'S PARTY: "Hopefully he's off the crazy." - Whitney
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A POTENTIAL BUSINESS PARTNER SAY ABOUT YOU: "I'd be afraid to open a hot dog stand with Shep." - Bryan
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR REAL ESTATE AGENT SAY: "I was just smiling, nodding, pretending I know what's going on when I really don't." - Cameran?WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE REFERRED TO WHEN YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND IS TALKING ABOUT YOU ON HIS REALITY SHOW: "Beverage cart girl."
BEST WAY TO WARN A REDHEAD THAT HER BOYFRIEND IS WAXING POETIC ABOUT AN EX THAT HE STILL CARRIES A TORCH FOR: "Earmuffs." - Jenna to Kathryn
NEXT WEEK: Whitney wants to "be honest" with T-Rav about something and they all go on a hunting trip together.
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