Last week's ratings for "Southern Charm" weren't enough to make a blip on Nielsen's radar, but Bravo let the reality show have another swing at it Monday night. Wondering if the luck of the Irish will be upon them after this week.
Much to my chagrin, the episode began with a side-boob shot of Jenna getting ready to take a shower. Or a bath. Or by whatever means the nouveau riche clean themselves. If I have to change up my hygiene techniques after I check tonight's lottery numbers, I'll let you know.
We get a peek into Cameran's job interview with a luxury real estate agent - keep in mind, Cameran had recently quit her job (in cosmetics, I presume, based on her bio), passed the real estate boards and that seems to be about it. But she thinks a career in real estate is a "natural fit."
Of course, the obvious next step would be to put your hat in the ring with a woman who's website lists her agency as "voted number one in the USA by Conde Naste" and the property tab options are South of Broad, Daniel Island and Mount Pleasant. At least she's got ambition.
When the interview starts to tank, Cameran falls back on tips from her mother, an etiquette coach, and the flattery begins. Due to good editing, and perhaps the agent's contractual agreement with the network, Cameran is granted a three-month trial period with a historic property listing. You know, because that happens in real life.
Objects of affection
We then move on to the beginning of Shep's redemption. He meets Danni (his ex and T-Rav's latest object of affection) for lunch and they discuss his inability to settle down because he doesn't want to sacrifice his current lifestyle. But when Danni discloses the "awkward" details of her last date with T-Rav and how she's uncomfortable with the stigma of being linked to him, it's like Shep sits up a little straighter in his chair.
Shep doesn't fully throw T-Rav under the bus, but he says enough that equates to a good bat to the kneecaps. He advises Danni to be honest with T-Rav, but it's all about how she "frames it." Good advice, considering I'm sure he's been "framing it" for years.
I think my favorite ridiculousness of this episode is T-Rav's foray into learning French in order to impress the ladies, since "a Southern gentleman should be a man of the world."
Translation: I'm arrogant enough to think that learning the language of an (allegedly) arrogant culture will be appealing to young women when I take them to a fancy restaurant and I can order for them and have trite conversations with the waiter.
The best part is when T-Rav actually asks his French instructor for dating advice. Because an older French woman knows what younger Southern women want.
The not-so-best part is when T-Rav practices his French to himself in the mirror without his shirt. In agreement with a comment from a fellow blogger, it was reminiscent of Christian Bale in American Psycho.
T-Rav's dinner with Danni doesn't turn out so well for him. He previously said that she could "complete" him, but she hits him with the "let's just be friends" talk. Flat out, she tells him it's because of his conviction and she fears humiliating her family. Let's give this girl a medal.
But T-Rav is a "good person" and gets a "bad rap." Because everyone keeps saying so. In every episode. All the time.
Getting girls and money
Enter Craig. He meets up with JD and T-Rav, the "Captain of Fun," in consideration of buying a boat. He's late because he "had to work all day." We haven't seen him work since the first episode, but at least someone's doing it.
At some point, someone said the boat was good for "girl grabbing" and "scoring" without even having to untie the boat from the dock, and Craig asks T-Rav about his "success rate."
They may as well just all hook up with the same girl and give each other high fives. Oh, wait.
But they can't actually give high fives because this is a contrived show about "reality" and they are all acting like they don't know that T-Rav was intimate with Kathryn, and Shep made out with Kathryn, and Craig has a crush on Kathryn. Well, had. But he still mopes about it.
Let's move on to Jenna's new house. She apologizes for it not having an elevator. Unacceptable.
Whitney pours the champagne while disclosing that he's related to Ian Fleming, of James Bond spy novel fame. Of course he is.
Side note: I'm not positive how she spells her name, but I'm going to spell it Brandy, so as not to be compelled to dot the "i" with a heart each time I write Brandi.
Whitney's "assistant" Brandy makes the mistake of asking Jenna how she got all of her money. Jenna keeps saying "investments," and Brandy keeps asking what kind of investments. But Jenna keeps saying "investments."
I just feel bad that the poor girl doesn't know any better about asking that kind of question to someone's face. You're supposed to ask unaffiliated people what they've heard about it from other unaffiliated people, while you stuff your face with tea sandwiches.
It breaks to Shep and T-Rav having a heart-to-heart about how T-Rav portrays himself and we learn that they are related. Of course they are.
T-Rav admits to knowing "a thing or two about trouble." Let's be frank, that thing or two is really six to nine months in the pokey.
I find it strange that a 50-year-old man is asking a 33-year-old about his "take" on him and his relationships. But then again, they are cousins now, and T-Rav can't make Shep's ex-girlfriend his new girlfriend because he's a convicted felon and something about the people outside of South Carolina don't care. Then go try to find a woman of an inappropriate age in another state.
T-Rav's pity-party carries over into Jenna's housewarming party, where he shows up "in the cups" a little because he's bummed about Danni giving him the old heave ho. Get over it, dude. He does have some decent dance moves, shag of course, a required skill of the Southern gentleman, but I wondered if he would ultimately spin Cameran into the punch bowl.
It's here Kathryn confronts T-Rav on his playboy behavior. She says he put her in the position of possibly making her pregnant and then pursued other girls. She calls him a jerk, tells him he hurt her and then plays the "I trusted you" card. He, of course, looks dumbfounded. He kind of, sort of apologizes and then they leave together.
Bless her heart, she hasn't learned yet that part of being a mature Southern woman is being able to see beyond the linen pants and blazer.
T-RAV'S BEST QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: "I've never had to work this hard for a girl." Because polo is hard. And French lessons are hard.
SHEP'S ADVICE FOR REJECTING T-RAV: "It will be easy. Like ripping a Band-aid off."
SHEP'S REQUIREMENTS FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP: "I need attention. And back rubs."
NEXT WEEK: The pregnancy bomb drops, which has T-Rav a little nervous. When he breaks the news to Shep, it appears that Shep's PG-13 episode may have been a little more NC-17, based on his reaction.
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