Imagine some jilted Academy Award loser suggesting that all future films about vampire in-laws, robotic law enforcement officials or anything remotely involving Tom Hanks have fewer scenes.
Or a sore loser way down the iTunes sales chart demanding an immediate limit to digital guitar riffs.
C'mon. Would any sweet-toothed consumer stand for legislation limiting restaurant dessert offerings, just because a few chefs serve bland pudding and can't keep up with yummy trends?
Of course not. Which is why an NCAA football committee proposal to allow defenses extra time to substitute players against fast-paced offenses makes less sense than an anti-stolen base movement in baseball. The vote this week to keep a team from snapping the ball until 29 seconds remain on the 40-second play clock goes before the NCAA's playing rules oversight panel on March 6.
On one side of the argument: excitement, booming TV ratings, parity possibilities, football fun.
On the other: three yards and a cloud of rust.
Alabama head coach Nick Saban and Arkansas head coach Bret Bielema are leading the slowdown effort. They argue, lamely and without good evidence, that a faster pace makes for more snaps and therefore more injury possibilities.
Hopefully, you disagree.
Write congress. Contact the National Guard.
Wake Lee Corso.
Up-tempo offenses as managed by the likes of Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn, former Oregon head coach Chip Kelly, Clemson offensive coordinator Chad Morris and many other smart play-callers have added interest and contrast. And not just to college football, but to high school football - where the concepts were hatched - and youth leagues.
By far the best take on this issue was succinctly presented by Steve Spurrier. The venerable South Carolina head coach kept repeating a similar line last summer: "Of course, the answer is for the other team's offense to stay on the field and get the other team on the sideline."
Spurrier's Gamecocks beat Clemson and the Tigers' Morris-conceived offense in 2011 and 2012 by dominating time of possession (37:17 to 22:43 in a 34-13 victory at Columbia in 2011, 39:58 to 20:02 in a 27-17 victory at Clemson in 2012).
Listen to Spurrier
Such action is for winners.
Complaining is for losers.
There were two FBS-level head coaches on the panel that recommended the 29-second rule this week: Troy Calhoun of Air Force and Todd Berry of Louisiana-Lafayette.
Air Force, 2-10 last year, ranked 104th in snaps per game. Louisiana-Lafayette was 9-4 but 93rd in snaps per game (Clemson was 13th, South Carolina 73rd).
Oh, the irony - and the Iron Bowl.
Calhoun was interviewed for the Clemson job, before Dabo Swinney got the gig and before Calhoun's star faded into the blur of too many Mountain West Conference losses.
Saban was no fan of hurry-up offenses before, but that Iron Bowl loss to Auburn (on a missed field goal return, of all plays) obviously hasn't gone over well in Tuscaloosa's hall of football perfection.
Bielema clashed with Malzahn on pace issues even before the 2013 season's first quick snap. The two SEC rookie head coaches traded barbs last August at SEC Media Days when the slowdown topic came up.
Malzhan: "When I first heard that, to be honest with you, I thought it was a joke."
Bielema: "I'm not a comedian."
Malzahn, the former Arkansas high school coach and Razorbacks assistant, led Auburn to a BCS National Championship Game appearance in his first year as the Tigers' head coach.
TV ratings up
Overall, TV ratings for the five BCS bowl games in the just-completed season were up nine percent over the year before. Four of those games were high-scoring:
Florida State over Auburn, 34-31, in the BCS Championship Game.
Clemson over Ohio State, 40-35, in the Orange Bowl.
Central Florida over Baylor, 52-42, in the Fiesta Bowl.
Oklahoma over Alabama, 45-31, in the Sugar Bowl.
ESPN's most-viewed non-BCS game ever was the Chick-fil-A Bowl on New Year's Eve: Texas A&M 52, Duke 48.
Arkansas didn't make a bowl game. The Razorbacks finished 0-8 in the SEC, 3-9 overall and 107th in points scored.
Surprisingly, Bielema isn't trying to ban forward passes until the third overtime of non-conference games.
But you never know, it's still early in the off-season.
Follow Gene Sapakoff on Twitter @sapakoff
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