With apologies to the late Johnny Carson:
How cold has it been around here since Monday night?
So cold that climate change, including global or at least Lowcountry warming, sounds swell.
But at least this week's big chill is a rarity in these parts.
The Charleston Convention and Visitors Bureau website fairly hails our area's "semi-tropical climate with typically mild winters and warm summers" under the heading:
"Weathermen find it boring. The rest of us find it delightful."
More like excessively humid, hot summers.
Meanwhile, though Tuesday morning's 20-degree reading at my home (outside, not inside) inflicted shivers, many other U.S. communities have had it much worse on the frigid-weather front over the last few days.
So rather than whining about how long it has been taking to warm up your car and yourself, put yourself to this weather test (answers at column's end):
1) How many inches of snow were recorded in Charleston in the Feb. 9-10 "Blizzard of '73"?
a) 2; b) 4; c) 6; d) 7.
2) Due to concerns about intense heat, the 2022 World Cup (the main event of soccer, aka "football" in most of the world) just might be played from November of that year into January of the next one rather than in the global spectacle's usual summer months in what nation?
a) Moldavia; b) Kenya; c) Qatar; d) Freedonia.
3) What did the manager of the Sunset Motel in Lexington, Ky., tell reporters that a prison escapee said to him Monday morning?
a) "Give me a room by the pool"; b) "Your money or your life"; c) "Cancel my reservation"; d) "I've got to turn myself in, I'm froze to death."
Now more than ever
4) Which of the following lines from Richard Nixon (two of them delivered as president) did he utter on Nov. 7, 1973, after ordering the lowering of White House thermostats?
a) "When the president does it, that means it's not illegal"; b) "My doctor tells me that in a temperature of 66 to 68 degrees, you are really more healthy than when it is 75 to 78, if that is any comfort"; c) "I'm not a crook"; d) "You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore."
5) Which of the following lines by Jimmy Carter (all but one delivered as president) did he utter on Jan. 26, 1977?
a) "Republicans are men of narrow vision who are afraid of the future"; b) "It is a crisis of confidence"; c) "I again ask every American to lower the thermostat settings in all homes and buildings to no more than 65 degrees during the daytime and to a much lower setting at night"; d) "I've looked on a lot of women with lust."
6) Who said on Monday, "They're perpetrating a hoax, but they're relying on their total dominance of the media to lie to you each and every day about climate change and global warming. So they created the polar vortex"?
a) Rush Limbaugh; b) Glenn Beck; c) Donald Trump; d) Dennis Rodman.
7) What was the last cold-climate university to win the national championship of American college football - not soccer?
a) Notre Dame; b) Michigan; c) Ohio State; d) Wossamotta U.
The ice men cometh
8) Who played Mr. Freeze on ABC's 1966-68 "Batman"?
a) George Sanders; b) Otto Preminger; c) Eli Wallach; d) all of the above.
9) How did the Dynamic Duo, in the eighth episode of that epic "Batman" series, survive Mr. Freeze's attempt to freeze them to death?
a) They turned up the thermostat in the Batcave; b) They turned up the heat in the Batmobile; c) They summoned Alfred the Butler to their rescue on his Alf-cycle; d) They dressed for the showdown occasion in their Bat Thermal Underwear.
10) In the 1997 film "Batman & Robin," which left most critics cold largely due to the disastrous miscasting of George Clooney as the Caped Crusader, what future disgraced governor (as Mr. Freeze) proclaims: "You're not sending me to the cooler!"?
a) Rod Blagojevich; b) Eliot Spitzer; c) Arnold Schwarzenegger; d) Mark Sanford.
11) What year and kind of car did this then-rookie snow driver skid off of frozen Wappoo Road into a ditch during the aforementioned Blizzard of '73?
a) 1964 Aston Martin D85; b) 1968 Opel Kadett; c) 1957 Chevy; d) 1972 Plymouth Valiant.
Answers: 1) d; 2) c; 3) d; 4) b; 5) c; 6) a; 7) c; 8) d; 9) d; 10) c: 11) d.
Frank Wooten is assistant editor of The Post and Courier. His email is email@example.com.