Build your resilience skills
Rachel made one of her writing dreams come true when she started blogging, sharing her tips and pointers for effective networking. Soon, she had subscribers and regular guest bloggers.
She'd long been a fan of and an email correspondent with a fairly prominent author known for his books about networking.
Rachel asked for my opinion regarding whether she should invite the author to write a guest post. My counsel was go for it since the worst-case scenario would be for the author to say no.
Two months later, the daily email notifications of posts to Rachel's blog stopped. Why? Rachel had extended an invitation to the famous author for a guest post. The author had turned her down, writing back to say he had reviewed Rachel's blog and found it "to look pretty."
The word "pretty" was an arrow through Rachel's heart and spirit. For someone of the author's caliber to use "pretty" as a descriptor said to Rachel she wasn't fulfilling her mission to provide useful and meaningful networking advice. She believed she had failed and wasn't sure how to recapture her writing mojo.
What Rachel needed to build was resilience, the ability to rebound after setbacks and look forward with optimism and hope.
Life is full of road blocks, adversity, loss, rejection and other obstacles. If you're passionate about something, part of making that something a reality is the going over, under, around or through those obstacles; resiliently bouncing back and trying again when other stumbling blocks appear in your path.
Put these options to work to boost your resiliency skills:
--According to the Mayo Clinic, "being resilient doesn't mean being stoic or going it alone. In fact, being able to reach out to others for support is a key component of being resilient." Do what Rachel did: Reach out, express what you're thinking and feeling, and then devise a plan to get back in the saddle.
--Psychologists say resilience is a learned skill. When things go wrong, don't give up. Try again. Then try again if need be, just like you'd practice any new skill until it becomes second nature. Creativity expert Ken Robinson points out, "If you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original."
--In situations such as Rachel's, your inner critic may be working overtime. Through 15 years of study, Martin E.P. Seligman, author and professor at the University of Pennsylvania, "discovered that people who don't give up have a habit of interpreting setbacks as temporary, local and changeable." Heed what the inner voice is saying, yet exercise control over how much power you give to it. You control whether the inner critic permanently halts you in your tracks.
--Focus on learning. Look for the teachable moment. We're quick to call ourselves failures when things don't go right on the first try. Cut yourself some slack. You're learning and probably developing strengths and abilities beyond what you initially imagined. Explore what worked well and what didn't. Rachel began her blog to gain writing experience, and that's where she needed to focus.
--Look to the past to learn lessons, yet make sure you don't get mentally and emotionally stuck there. Studies have shown that how someone thinks about setbacks impacts her coping abilities. Rather than dwell on what went wrong (someone declining an opportunity to write a guest blog), look for the successes (in Rachel's case, starting a blog and rapidly gaining subscribers.)
The most important lesson to learn is to not give up entirely. That's when you truly do become a failure.
Jane Perdue is the principal/CEO for the Braithwaite Innovation Group. You can reach her through her company's, website.The Job Coaches are experienced volunteers from the Center for Women's Job Counseling Program. Ask them a question by calling 763-7333 or emailing info@c4women.org. If you would like further assistance, make a counseling appointment; a donation of $35 is requested.
