Life changes with Replay the horse

What the heck am I doing?

I am sitting in a truck full of horse lovers from the barn where I board my daughter's pony. We are driving up from Ladsen to Loris with an empty trailer. To pick up a horse. A horse for me. After more than 30 years of not having my own horse, here I am, about to buy one.

I think I'm going to be sick.

My husband, Roger, and I sat up late last night going over the finances. We are newly married and have yet to even combine our bank accounts. I didn't want to ask him for something so expensive right here at the beginning of our marriage. I didn't want to ask for something so selfish. A horse. For me.

Since my now-8-year-old daughter started taking lessons at age 5, I made her learning to ride a priority. I took lessons when I could. When I could afford them. When a horse was available for me to ride. When I could squeeze in. I even leased a thoroughbred for a short time. But as a single mom teacher for most of her young life, I had to make tough financial choices. The focus has always been getting my daughter on a horse, not me.

When our instructor at Medicine Wind, Lindsey Loppnow, suggested we look at a pony for lease at Graymour Stables, we did. And we loved him. Peanut. An Appaloosa with springs in his feet. A pony who bonded with my daughter with that kind of intense connection between girl and horse that has become legendary. A pony who welcomed my stepdaughters as new riders with enthusiasm. One whom I completely trusted with their safety. We bought him, and for the first time in my adult life, I was a horse owner.

But not for me. I didn't expect to even consider getting a horse for me.

We were just getting accustomed to paying one boarding bill. I expected to wait years.

But then Replay came along. A large quarter horse available for a great deal. Others at the barn had gone to see him. I was interested, in a hopeless kind of way, like a teenager dreaming of a rock star. But then I talked to the owner. Then I saw pictures. Then I talked to the people who had ridden him. I thought maybe, just maybe.

As the deadline for a decision got closer, Donna Jones, the owner of Graymour Stables, got right up in my face and said, "Go. Get. That. Horse."

I didn't even have to ask.

"I can put up half the cost," Roger said.

So I am driving up to meet Replay. And if I like him, we will take him home.

What if I don't like him?

We drive up to the arena and see a beautiful horse being lunged.

Is that him? That can't be him. He looks even better than his pictures. Oh, my goodness. That is HIM.

Lightning shoots through me. My hands tingle. I can't breathe.

I'm usually not that lucky person who gets more than I could possibly have wanted. I'm usually that person who settles. Who makes the best of the situation. Who thinks more about what everyone else needs and tries to make it work regardless. But today, I am that lucky person. On my wedding day, I was that lucky person. When I gained my stepdaughters through marriage, I was that lucky person.

My luck, and my life, has changed forever. I've become that person who isn't afraid to take what is good for her. I'm getting a do-over, a new family, a new horse, a new life, and I'm not going to let this pass.

Replay.

Amy Hudock teaches creative writing (among other English courses) at Trident Technical College and lives in Hanahan with her family. She blogs about life with horses and children at www.lowcountrybarnmom.com.