Perfection unrealistic goal

I once had an employee spend an entire work day drawing a line, just one line.

The line was for an illustration in a training manual showing a wire hanging between two poles. The curve of the drop in the line is perfect in every possible scientific calculation, he delightedly informed me. "I'm pleased and exhausted, ready to call it a day."

No doubt about it, he fit the definition of what author Don E. Hamachek calls a normal perfectionist, who can "derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labors of a painstaking effort."

Are you addicted to perfectionism? It can drive one to heights of achievement ... or to the depths of despair and inaction. Perfectionism demands that you and/or your work be flawless with anything else being unacceptable. It's all black and white, and a big either/or game of being perfect or being a failure. Perfection is a learned attitude that's very different from working to achieve excellence.

"There's a difference between excellence and perfection," says Miriam Adderholdt, author of "Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good?"

"Excellence involves enjoying what you're doing, feeling good about what you've learned, and developing confidence. Perfection involves ... always finding mistakes no matter how well you're doing."

The pursuit of excellence requires effort and focus. But unlike perfectionism, it doesn't demand a sacrifice of self-esteem because the focus is on the process of achievement rather than the outcome.

To aim for excellence (which is within our grasp) rather than striving for perfection (which is usually outside our grasp):

Set realistic and achievable goals instead of unreasonable demands. Establishing a goal of losing a pound a week for the next six weeks is doable. Saying that you must lose 30 pounds in two weeks or be a dieting failure is unreasonable.

Give yourself credit for what you do accomplish, or at least your willingness to try. "It is important that you recognize your progress," says Rosemarie Rossetti, Ph.D., a motivational speaker. "Take pride in your accomplishments."

Learn to separate the "who" from the "do." Understand that your self-worth isn't measured by perfection. Reflect on how valued you felt when a co-worker remembered your birthday with a slightly out-of-kilter chocolate cake. All everyone remembered was the camaraderie of the moment, not that the cake was crooked.

Let go. Too often, we spend our time worrying about past things we can't change or future things that will never happen. Instead, examine your performance now so you do better next time. As Ben Sweet says, "The greatest success is successful self-acceptance."

Look for partners who will support you as you work toward your goals. View advice as constructive feedback and seek it out. As author and speaker Ken Blanchard tells us, "Feedback is the breakfast of champions."

Come to terms with how intimidating perfectionism is to others and how personally exhausting it is. No one is 100 percent perfect all the time in everything they do. (Not even the 49,500 people who searched the word "perfectionism" on Google in the past month!) It's a goal that's impossible to attain and/or maintain.

Avoid chasing perfection, reframe your thinking and reclaim your confidence.

And, if you're thinking that you might have a perfectionist quality or two, there's a fun little assessment you might want to check out at Discovery Health: http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/perfectionism_abridged_access.html.

Jane Perdue is a leadership consultant, coach, speaker, author and CEO of The Braithewaite Group. The Job Coaches are experienced volunteers from the Center for Women's Job Counseling Program. Ask them a question by calling 763-7333 or e-mailing info@c4women.org.