Wise words on 'How to be a Good Husband'

Continuing now with a few quotes from a small booklet one might happen across if visiting the Royal Yacht Britannia's souvenir tourist shop in Edinburgh.

Titled "How to be a Good Husband," it was originally published as "Do's and Don'ts for Husbands" in the 1930s for British gentlemen and is filled with interesting aphorisms on how to implement that particular role.

The Bodleian Library, University of Oxford, reproduced it in 2008. Some of the advice is outdated but amusing. Almost all of it is practical and wise.

"Do make note of the fact that a little present unexpected is much more delightful to a wife than a big one expected."

"Do learn the lesson of bearing and forbearing quite early in your married life. Remember those lines from Cowper:

The kindest and happiest pair

Will find occasion to forbear;

And something, every day they live,

To pity, and perhaps forgive.

"Don't become thoughtless regarding your immediate circle and especially as regards your wife. Take heart the words of Sir Humphrey Davy: 'Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and secure the heart, and secure comfort.'

"Do try, if any way angry with each other, to follow the old Scriptural injunction not to let the sun go down upon your wrath.

"Don't fall into the vulgar and common error of talking for the sake of talking. Try to achieve brevity in your conversation. Express your thoughts in as few words as possible, and if you want to carry conviction don't repeat yourself. ...

"Don't forget that loud argument is one of the most common signs of faulty education and ill-breeding.

"Don't stick to a style of dress that your wife doesn't like. You may think you look very 'natty' in your somewhat loud plus fours, but if she says they don't suit you, she's probably right.

"Don't expect your wife to make a dress last as long as your mother does. The dear old lady has probably now reached the age when she only wishes to be clothed, whereas your wife is still young enough to be dressed.

"Don't think that because you earn the money you are entitled to spend the bulk of it on yourself. ... Don't let the onetime promise 'with all my worldly goods I thee endow' be entirely forgotten.

"Do try, as far as lies in your power, to give your wife a set sum for housekeeping and another for her own personal use. It is very lowering to her dignity to have to ask you for money every time she wants to buy a pair of gloves or make a small present to anyone. ...

"Don't be so absorbed in making a living that you have no time to make a life.

"Do take care not to be led into expenses that you cannot afford in order to keep up appearances. The attempt to do this is only too often accompanied by vulgarity and disastrous consequences.

"Do remember that in the preservation of health there is no agent so powerful as work. 'Work,' writes Dan Farmer, 'is the best birthright that man still retains. It is the strongest of moral tonics, the most vigorous of mental medicines.'

"Do suppress the tendency to fidget, not so much for the sake of your own health as for that of your wife's. We all know the type of man (and woman) who is never quiet for a moment, but whose hands or feet are constantly in motion. Such a condition is certainly not good for your own nerves and is doubly worse for those around you.

"Do take the utmost care always to honour your wife in the presence of the children. If they hear you constantly snapping her up or contradicting her, the inevitable result will be that before long they will lose their respect for her and you.

"Don't forget in all your dealings with the children that kind words are the music of the world.

"Do endeavor as far as possible to take up the same recreations. This will give you a joint interest and make you the greater pals.

"Don't attempt to choose your wife's books for her if she is fond of reading. You may think that the reading of light literature is a waste of time, but to her, it is a much-needed relief from the daily round. Remember that you are her husband and not her schoolmaster.

"Don't commit the unpardonable sin of introducing your wife with 'meet the wife.'

"Don't make the mistake when invited to a birthday or christening party of taking your present with you. This should always be sent in advance.

"Do endeavor when introducing two guests to each other to bring up some subject in which they will both be interested. It is hardly sufficient to introduce them, remark on the weather and then leave them to find a subject for themselves.

"Don't forget that you precede a lady to a theatre seat, but on reaching the row on which it is situated, you stand on one side and allow her to go first.

"Do make every effort to show kindness whenever possible. Remember the Words-worth quote:

The best portion of a good man's life,

His little nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.

"Don't forget that marriage, like government, must be a series of compromises.

"Don't forget that the world has you always more or less under inspection. In this connection remember the words of Goethe: 'Behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his image.'

"Do take care that you don't make your wife pay too high a price for any success that you may achieve. When this does arrive, the rewards are in no sense equal since the husband gets the glory and the wife only the reflected glory.

"Don't grumble if marriage makes you neglect many of the things that you used to do when you were single. It is better to neglect the whole world than your wife. Moreover, if you have chosen wisely, you are much the gainer since a good wife has aptly been described as a gift bestowed upon man to reconcile him to the loss of Paradise."

Next week: Some thoughts from the booklet's counterpart: "How to be a Good Wife."

Edward M. Gilbreth is a Charleston physician. Reach him at edwardgilbreth@comcast.net.