Guns OK in federal parks, but not here

Hold up on those plans to re-take Fort Sumter -- it's not going to be as easy as it sounds.

On Monday, a federal rule went into effect that allows folks to carry loaded guns inside national parks. This has been a political football for years, but finally was signed into law last year by President Barack Obama. Who knew he was such a gun enthusiast?

There's a catch, however. Bob Dodson, superintendent at Fort Moultrie and Fort Sumter, says gunslingers still can't pack heat inside the actual forts.

Or their visitors centers.

Or on the boat out to Sumter.

"It's not going to be that big a difference for us," he said.

So where exactly on federal property can we exercise our Second Amendment rights? Well, there's the grass in Liberty Square, the parking lot at Fort Moultrie, the dock at Fort Sumter and, uh, in front of Osceola's grave. But come on -- there's barely room to stretch our rights in those places, much less exercise them.

How exactly are local folks visiting the forts supposed to defend themselves against northern aggression from all those tourists?

Freeze, Boo Boo

Evidently this law was not written with South Carolina in mind. Guns-in-the-park (which sounds like the Charleston Symphony doing the music of Axl Rose) has been advocated by folks who use our vast national parks out West.

Now, the bleeding hearts whine that no one needs to take his .357 Magnum into a place where children are playing. (Hey, if it's good enough for a town hall meeting ...) Then the tree huggers say allowing guns in the parks will lead to poaching, especially with the federal government cutting back on staff to monitor such things. Pshaw.

There are some very good reasons behind this initiative. For instance, every now and then Yogi and Boo Boo maul a tourist or two at Yellowstone. And apparently you can't stop those silly bears by waving the Constitution at them.

See, it's about safety.

But where's the logic of not allowing guns inside a military fort (other than the big ones already in there)? Maybe, some say, it's because a policy like that could lead to some heated encounters, such as when Bubba doesn't exactly agree with the docent's "interpretation" of the causes of the Civil War.

Yeah, right. How often is that going to happen around here?

Hold your fire

Once again, the South is being discriminated against with federal policy. While you can actually hunt in a few national parks or preserves, that's not going to be the case at Sumter or Moultrie. That means no matter how many inane questions Yankees ask -- "Isn't it strange that so many battles happened at national monuments?" -- you still can't shoot 'em.

The most troublesome thing about this new law is going to be figuring out how to reconcile it with all those claims that Obama was going to take our guns away.

Tricky guy -- he has actually just expanded gun rights. What is his game? What are those rascally Democrats up to? We likely won't have to wonder for long before the GOP explains it.