Without women, it's Arbor Day

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, there's tinsel on the tree and that subtle scent of cinnamon is in the air.

All around the house and down the street, lights illuminate the season as children play in knitted stocking caps and families gather to celebrate the holidays.

These are just a few of the things we take for granted during Christmas. Aside from the serious religious ceremonies, there are so many things that adorn our lives this time of year.

Like roast turkeys and baked hams. Cakes and pies. Tiny little reindeer on the mantle. A jolly Santa on the lawn.

Then there are the ribbon-wrapped packages, strings of luxurious lights and perfectly made sugar cookies in waxed paper tins.

If you take all these things for granted, you're probably a man. Because, truth be known, if it weren't for women, Christmas would be a lot like Arbor Day.

Bears with furniture

While we men have our strong points, decorating and gift-giving are not high on our list of evolutionary achievements.

We are, I was once told, bears with furniture. If women didn't tend to us we would still live in the wild, emerging each spring as if the world had just begun all over again.

If you've observed bachelors living together you know what I mean.

If it weren't for fast food, single men would starve. They buy clothes when necessary. They pick things up when their mothers visits. Or they meet her at the door.

For men, decorating for the holidays falls into three categories: building beer-can Christmas trees, buying slinky lingerie or sending greeting cards that play "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer."

Like most holidays, Christmas sneaks up on men. We know it's in late December and that it's important and that we need to buy something pretty and that it's even better if it's meaningful.

Oh, yeah, and don't forget to include a card. And, no, you can't use the one you used last year.

Therefore, we often have that deer-in-the-headlights look when we utter those fateful words, "You mean Christmas is this week?"

Planning ahead

On the other hand, women start planning for next Christmas the day after this Christmas. If not sooner.

They have the amazing ability to see into the future and plan ahead. And, they're thoughtful.

Like getting presents for everybody in the family. Like cousins you haven't seen in 20 years. Or aunts you wish you hadn't seen in 20 years. Even the mailman. And that weird guy who really isn't family but shows up every year for the Christmas party.

Women make all these things happen. They plan. They execute. They buy cute little commemorative ornaments for the tree. They know where the scotch tape is hidden.

Ever watch a man wrap a Christmas present?

I rest my case.

P.S. -- Arbor Day is the first Friday of each December, but you don't have to get me anything because I'll probably forget it anyway.

Reach Ken Burger at kburger@postandcourier.com or 937-5598.