Yes, it's Education Day at The Joe, and you know what that means. Busloads of Lowcountry kids will fill the ballpark to watch the Charleston RiverDogs play minor league baseball, complete with a postcard Ashley River backdrop and corndogs available.
Promptly at 11:05 this morning, the merry field trippers will commence annoying visiting West Virginia Power players with eardrum-splitting chants and zingers.
“They usually all sing along and dance to the popular music played, which is always kind of unique, to have a whole stadium singing a hip-hop song,” said RiverDogs general manager Dave Echols, who welcomed nearly 5,000 kids a week ago for the season's first Education Day. “Also, while the stadium is packed from 10:30-noon, schools have to start leaving around 12:30ish, so the ballpark is emptying out during a crucial time of the game. Which can be funny or a little odd, I bet, for players.”
Of course, the children must return to school in time to take their Education Day Quiz, well-rounded subject matter suitable for grades K-8:
The caloric intake of a Peanut Butter & Jelly Bacon Jalapeno Burger at The Joe is roughly equivalent to:
a. The left side of the menu at Bojangles
b. Anything you've ever seen on “Man v. Food”
Let's say RiverDogs shortstop Cito Culver hits a triple at exactly the same time four third-graders are buying six Pickle Dogs at $2 apiece. If Susie has $3.50, Jenny has $8.50 and Culver comes home on a throwing error, how many total bases does he get for scoring the run if twins Emily and Elmer forgot to bring any food money?
Baseball was invented ...
a. Gradually and with input from cricket players, Civil War soldiers and Willie Mays
b. During a harvest lull at an orange grove in Vero Beach, Fla.
c. By Abner Doubleday and re-invented by Bryce Harper
In this hypothetical but likely scenario, a fifth-grade boy from one school “accidentally” brushes cotton candy into the long hair of a fifth-grade girl from another school. The probability of significant stickage is:
a. 95 percent
b. 98.5 percent
c. 100 percent
Which of these edible elements are paired together on the RiverDogs' concession stand menu:
a. Gator tail fruit snacks
b. Chicken and apple sausage
c. Catfish cobbler
Which of these sentences has incorrect grammar:
a. “It ain't over 'til it's over.” (Yogi Berra)
b. “Don't eat fried food, it angries up the blood.” (Satchel Paige)
c. “Dude, where'd you put the pine tar?” (dugout chatter)
d. All of the above
7. Physical Education
For kids missing gym class, a field trip substitute for good exercise is:
a. Multiple trips to “Shoeless Joe's Hill” in pursuit of foul balls
b. Once around the concourse at full speed without spilling a single drop of soda
c. Two words: Jump castle
The weight of mascot Charlie The RiverDog's head is calculated by …
a. Adding up all the high-fives he gives during a game and dividing by humidity
b. A digital scale in the clubhouse
c. Multiplying circumference by dog years
RiverDogs pitcher Jose Campos is one of the top pitchers in the New York Yankees farm system and is capable of throwing a shutout. If this happened in Campos' home country of Venezuela, opposing batters would leave the ballpark muttering:
a. Donde esta el futbol?
b. Vamos a la playa
c. No mas
Funny actor Bill Murray, the RiverDogs' “Director of Fun” and star of a current team commercial, is best known for:
a. “Ghostbusters” and “Stripes”
b. “Caddyshack” and “Lost in Translation”
c. Being a Cubs fan
Answers: 1. c.; 2. Three bases for the triple (no credit for taking home on the error); 3. a.; 4. c.; 5. b. (yummy); 6. d.; 7. Yes (can't go wrong); 8. b.; 9. c.; 10. c.
Scoring: 9-10 — A (should count as two test grades); 7-8 — B (Wildcard finish); 5-6 — Average (start eating more pork rinds at the ballpark); 4 or below — Wait 'til next year.
Reach Gene Sapakoff at 937-5593 or on Twitter @sapakoff.